2 years later...

Obviously I haven't posted anything in a while, although writing something has crossed my mind. Tonight I'm here because I feel overwhelmed and disappointed. I wish I could start over, I was doing well for a while and now I feel stuck in the same old crap, only probably even worse because I am dragging someone else with me. I also wish I were stronger, I find myself putting up that front where I act strong but in reality I am scared of being alone and without anyone, reason why I feel I am dragging others with me.I feel old and tired, even though I am only in my early thirties, I don't take care of myself possibly in part because I often think how it would be a sort of relief to die young from a heart attack...

My brother, Yoshi...

So it has been a while, again. Sorry!

I put this "modified" strip on our fridge at home because it reminded me of Yoshi and how he is a high school "snob"...

A Christmas wish

These last few days everyone has left for the holidays, Rey, Ivan, and even Yoshi (he will be back on the 24th though). With this time by myself I have done a lot of thinking and reflecting about what has happened since last Christmas; how much things have changed and what I still need to work on.

I lost a little of the momentum gained once I first started realizing how my purpose in life was found once I surrendered it (my reason for being) to God. I feel that momentum was lost because I got too involved and distracted from the activities that strengthened my relationship with God. The big hitter for me was school, I didn't realize how much time it would actually take. Now I know what it will take and hopefully will be able to manage time better from now on. The biggest drawback has been having to change the Common Grounds Cafe due to lack of help. Together with the new youth leader we will continue having the cafe, but only every second Friday of the week. Please continue praying that another adult will step forward and volunteer to help me with this.

The more I am aware of how superficial and meaningless my work really is (in furthering God's kingdom that is), I realize how I do desire to be where He wants to use me best. There is too much pain and suffering in this world for me to sit here comfortable at home unhappy with my current situation. Work at Boeing although challenging in many ways just doesn't feel like the challenge that God made me for. As in John Eldredge writes in his book "Wild at Heart", I know in my heart that God has a challenge for me somewhere, a battle to fight. Don't get me wrong, work at Boeing is very challenging and can be very rewarding, it could lead to much success and God could use me to do great things there too. But really it doesn't feel like He meant me for it, there are hundreds if not thousands of engineers out there that could take my place in a second. If I quit today someone would take my place in less than a week, and my name there would be quickly forgotten except for those few people for whom I made a difference in their life. But I long to go to where few dare to or even think to go, help those who have no one to turn to, make a real difference in the life of someone, be there when no one is there for them. That is what God wants for me, and I feel a longing in my heart to do that. My prayer is that I am able to discern His will and eventually find myself at the center of His will.

The picture below is of my Christmas tree, my first tree since I moved out of home and been on my own. I have to admit, I had a little help with it!

Ahhh, I miss home!

Mom and dad, did you see this?





http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071201/sc_afp/mexicovolcano_071201211051

Surrender?

How do you know when it is time to give something up? This question has been on my mind constantly...
I felt it was God's will when the desire was put in my heart to start the Common Grounds Cafe at our church office. Now it seems as though the whole thing may end up going away.
Although there wasn't the attendance and help I hoped there would be, it seemed to mean a lot to the few kids who did come. But a few weeks ago I was asked by our church leadership to have two adults present while running the cafe. Easier said than done though. It is ironic, the reason I felt there was a need for the cafe was because I feel kids need a place to call their own, to hang out, to have people who care enough for them to just be there. Now it may end because there is no one to help me... For now we decided to do it once a month, as opposed to every Friday. The reason is that wouldn't put too much stress on Jame's schedule (the new youth pastor). If there were another adult who would volunteer to be there constantly with me then we could go on every Friday.
Please keep this in your prayers, I think that it is worth doing even if it is one kid whose life is touched by this.

Thanksgiving!

Had a wonderful Thanksgiving at home with Yoshi, Rey, Ivan, and Rey's finacee Ruth. Yoshi and I had previously been invited to have dinner with pastor Mike and his family, but although I imagined their food would be much better than what me and my roomates could cook up I reluctantly declined their invitation. I was pleasantly surprised though! Ivan and Rey did a great job and impressed us with the turkey!

Yesterday, black Friday Yoshi and I were also invited to have dinner with Daniel and Margarite Wenceslao and their family. Yoshi decided to ditch us and instead go to his frien Amanda's b-day party. I was a little set back because he decided to do that, but I figured I would get over it eventually. Anyway, I had a great time with Daniel and his family! It has been a real big blessing meeting them and getting to know them!

Let me not forget what is important, the reason I am now.

I've been meaning to do an update for a while now, but I have just gotten so caught up with life recently. Having Yoshi here with me has been wonderful. I hope Yoshi feels the same way, I think he does, except when I hear his frustration with Math...
I am having a shed built in my backyard, actually it is more like a cottage of sorts. I hope to put pictures of it up soon. The immediate need for it is for storage, but the reason I went with something this size was so that I can fix it up and maybe use it as a spare bedroom, a nice place for guests to stay.
School has been kicking my butt, seriously! I never thought it would be so hard to get back into it. I am hoping I can rescue my grades, which have been short of decent. I am taking two classes, Mission Theology and Biblical Foundations. I think I bit of a little more than I can chew! I should have started with one class, but I guess I wasn't thinking! I tried dropping one of the classes "Mission Theology" but after finding out that I would have to pay for 70% of the class out of my own pocket if I drop it, I decided it may be worth the effort to try for a C or better; that way Boeing pays for it. I do need to remember that the reason I am doing this is to help prepare me for whatever God has in store for me, and not for a grade or a degree... So I tell myself once in a while that it doesn't matter what I do, as long as I do it with Him in my heart and mind! So instead of making time for Him, I need to fill my life with His presence and everything else will come in second place.

Tour of Seattle

"Carne Asada", Mexican style BBQ!

On August 19th with the help of my roommates and family we had a Mexican style BBQ, the occasion was so that my family could meet many of the wonderful people I have met here since I came to work for Boeing. The BBQ was a great success! Most of the people who attended were from the church, but I also had a few co-workers and other friends show up.The dishes we served were authentic Mexican dishes, the dish that got the most praise was the "discada", a typical northern Mexican dish that my roommates Ivan and Reynaldo helped prepare. Thanks to all who came and shared on this occasion with us!